like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
