I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
