Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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