need another drink. this is the easiest way
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Your cock deserves a montage
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
