i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
