I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
