i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
