Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
