i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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