I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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