i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
