Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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