New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I will pee on everything he values.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
