can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
