What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
