I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
