I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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