You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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