Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
