What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
her vagine was all disorganized.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
