gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
