U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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