i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
