You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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