my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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