my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Four minutes until I can fart!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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