O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
