Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
