This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
