Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
