The maid of honor just puked.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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