he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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