I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
