That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
