hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
