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DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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