so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
