In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
