my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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