Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
