best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
