the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
