My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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