does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
