I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
