you have to choose: penises or morals?
she smelled like a LAN party
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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