from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
