well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
