making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
