erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
