If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
