is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
