i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
