i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
